Phire Within

     During the Faire a few years ago I shared why I relay. It was the year my dad got diagnosed with cancer. That was over two years ago now. At the time he was given six to twelve months,but he obviously beat those odds. That year we were measuring things in “lasts”. Like his last birthday, last Father’s Day etc. Then he passed the one year mark and we all held our breath knowing we were on borrowed time. There were ups and downs and more rallies than I can count. We reached the two year mark this January and there have been a lot more downs than there have been ups. As I am writing this (a few weeks before the Faire starts) things have changed dramatically. He is now receiving home hospice care, a hospital bed is being delivered today and my siblings (one who used to be a hospice nurse) have given him about two weeks. I mean it’s not the first time he’s been given only a couple of weeks, but this time it feels different. My heart is aching because I can’t be there for my mom who is slowly watching the person she has spent over fifty years married to slowly fade away. It aches to not be there to tell my dad that as much as I don’t want him to go it’s okay to let go, we will take care of mom and be there for her. I relay so no other family needs to watch loved ones leave this world in pain, a shadow of their former selves. So no wife,husband,mother or father needs to say goodbye to a loved one way before their time. I relay because I love. 

My sister was close, it was 10 days after writing all that he moved on to his next adventure and I suddenly felt lost on my current one. When I got the call the world seemed to dim and everything went quiet.